Bitterroot: A Salish Memoir of Transracial Adoption – book Review

“Oh, damn it!” I grunt, to no one in particular, as my immaculately crafted egg-over-medium, sandwiched in between two crispy buttered halves of English muffins, squirts onto page 187 of Susan Devan Harness’ memoir Bitterroot: A Salish Memoir of Transracial Adoption. With the dripping egg sandwich in one hand and the memoir in the other […]

never really the first

The first was never really the first. No one could count so they made up a beginning. 0 ceased to hold meaning, no longer the start line 1 became 3 and 5 became 12 until there was a new beginning, a foggy relativity. The first was manufactured, a clean slate assumed. I come fully loaded, […]

Celebration of Loss

I reject my birthday as a day of celebration. It has always been a confusing day for me. Even as a child my birthday has always felt performative; I participated entirely out of obligation and social conformity. I feel detached from the date because it feels arbitrary and meaningless, not like “my special day.” It […]

The Primal Wound – Book Review

The act of ordering this book, let alone reading it, has been years in the making. In some ways The Primal Wound (1991) has stood as an enormous ancient wall, towering above me, looking down upon me with knowing eyes daring me to begin the ascent. It took me 8 years to do it and […]

Validate Rather Than Dictate

My back hurts and I’m tired of staring at my screen, tired of having all of my life feel like it is now connected to a screen. Work, my classes, socializing, connecting with family, writing, fun, all of it is now tied to these damn liquid crystals blinding me day and night. My back hurts […]

Everything is Real

I’ve had an incredibly busy week, numerous evening meetings, two new staff have started and they require a lot of my attention and I have a new boss. I’m preparing for a trip to Detroit to connect with a childhood friend and then an intense half week of work there. I’m tired, haven’t had enough […]

SOC SEAD Today and Yesterday

I barely slept our first night in the SRM Hotel, exhausted from the almost two days of travels, I crashed hard. I awoke disoriented and decidedly unrested at 11:30pm, I’d slept for maybe 3 hours and quickly realized I was back, I was in India. That first night in the hotel was a long and lonely […]

The Police

I’ve never been good at napping. On the rare occasion I am able to doze off in the middle of the day I normally awake irritated, disoriented and decidedly unrested. This trip proved to be no exception. After visiting Sarkapalyam in the morning, we returned to the hotel to escape the mid-afternoon sun. I lay […]

There Sits a House Part 2

The drive to her neighborhood is quick. It feels too quick; I’m unprepared. I thought I might have time, 15 minutes at least, to gather my thoughts. I realize, during our 3 minute ride, that I really haven’t thought much about what I would say if we do find this woman, and if she acknowledges […]

Never Given the Chance to Bloom

This trip was mired in uncertainty, defined by it perhaps. Nonetheless, Max and I developed somewhat of a morning routine which I came to appreciate. I miss it now that I am back in Chicago. The first night in SRM Hotel, our fancy hotel in Trichy, I crashed hard after dinner, my body beginning to […]