Birthdays Are Complex Monsters

For many, birthdays are a time to rejoice, celebrate and of course tell birth stories! For me birthdays are not imbued with the same sense of gleeful nostalgia. They are subtle reminders of an uncertain past and an unknown beginning. The first birthday is not simply a date. It is an experience that, although no […]

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Terry Achane

This is quite frustrating and complex in multiple levels. The two most apparent are 1) that Utah law would allow for something like this to happen AND once they realized what had happened not immediately “righting” their wrong and 2) that this family continues to pursue a child that should never have come into their […]

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Internalizations Gone Wild

I grew up assuming that I was adopted because my biological relatives could not take care of me. Implicit within that assumption was that they did not want to take care of me. I never found it to be very harsh. I just assumed that they were unable to care for me and so they […]

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Processing Emotions

Today parts of my family gathered for about 45 minutes to remember my father since Friday marked the passing of the 7th year since he died. A few people recited poems and we shared some pictures. I told a story or two, but other than that things went as normal. As with when he died […]

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How To Adequately Remember?

I enjoy writing letters. I try to write them to friends when they are abroad or if we don’t have the type of relationship where we are going to talk on the phone much. Still it’s always hard to know where to start, especially if its been a while since I’ve communicated with someone. Writing […]

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I’d Like To Meet My Father

Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to still have my dad around. I wonder how different life would be if he were around. As may already be obvious I love to fantasize. At the time he died I was transitioning into young adulthood as a 16-year-old. I witnessed other friends’ relationships with their parents […]

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My File Part III: Mouse Free

[This is a continuation of My File Part II: Bites Away] A few days after graduating from college and returning to my childhood home I found myself in our dirty cobwebbed basement rummaging through Tupperware boxes. These boxes were filled with contents from my childhood. Most of the contents of the hulking green metal desk […]

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