There Sits a House Part 2 – Day 1

The drive to her neighborhood is quick. It feels too quick; I’m unprepared. I thought I might have time, 15 minutes at least, to gather my thoughts. I realize, during our 3 minute ride, that I really haven’t thought much about what I would say if we do find this woman, and if she acknowledges … Continue reading There Sits a House Part 2 – Day 1

Is Reunion Healing? If so, for Who?

Preparing for reunion. Maybe. Maybe reunion, definitely preparing. Preparing for the vast uncertainty ahead. Practically speaking there are decisions to be made, tasks to be completed, lists to be made, notes to be taken, etc. The number of possible outcomes feels impossibly large. The number of likely outcomes feels disappointingly predetermined. I feel so uncertain … Continue reading Is Reunion Healing? If so, for Who?

The Night Before Leaving

There is only one video I am aware of, of my father. I am sure there are others, but only one I've seen since he died over 14 years ago. The video is of my sister, when she is in middle school or early high school, interviewing my father about adopting me. The night before … Continue reading The Night Before Leaving

They Say I Look Like Her

Resemblance is a strange concept. It overflows with subjectivity, devoid of neutrality or impartiality. Colored and formed in the image of past experiences. Reliant upon availability heuristics. They say I look like her. I don't know how to understand that phrase. What does it mean to see yourself in others or them in yourself if … Continue reading They Say I Look Like Her

Fragile.

Less than an hour after the brief Skype conversation with Arun and Anjali the advertised email with a handful of pictures pings into my meticulously curated inbox. I hate having unread messages in my inbox, it feels like dishes pilled on the counter, calling for attention, guilt by neglect. The normal nag of this red … Continue reading Fragile.