There Sits a House Part 2 – Day 1

The drive to her neighborhood is quick. It feels too quick; I’m unprepared. I thought I might have time, 15 minutes at least, to gather my thoughts. I realize, during our 3 minute ride, that I really haven’t thought much about what I would say if we do find this woman, and if she acknowledges … Continue reading There Sits a House Part 2 – Day 1

Never Given the Chance to Bloom – Day 0-1

This trip was mired in uncertainty, defined by it perhaps. Nonetheless, Max and I developed somewhat of a morning routine which I came to appreciate. I miss it now that I am back in Chicago. The first night in SRM Hotel, our fancy hotel in Trichy, I crashed hard after dinner, my body beginning to … Continue reading Never Given the Chance to Bloom – Day 0-1

Is Reunion Healing? If so, for Who?

Preparing for reunion. Maybe. Maybe reunion, definitely preparing. Preparing for the vast uncertainty ahead. Practically speaking there are decisions to be made, tasks to be completed, lists to be made, notes to be taken, etc. The number of possible outcomes feels impossibly large. The number of likely outcomes feels disappointingly predetermined. I feel so uncertain … Continue reading Is Reunion Healing? If so, for Who?

The Night Before Leaving

There is only one video I am aware of, of my father. I am sure there are others, but only one I've seen since he died over 14 years ago. The video is of my sister, when she is in middle school or early high school, interviewing my father about adopting me. The night before … Continue reading The Night Before Leaving

Shit.

Search. Searching. What a strange looking word. What a strange process. What is the purpose? Why does it matter? What am I searching for? Is it a person? Is it a feeling? Is it certainty? Do I even want to find people? What would it be like to find someone? What if I don't find … Continue reading Shit.

Driven by Guilt

I've been planing on going to India this winter for at least a few months now. It has been a stressful process and I've done a pretty good job of procrastinating about the important things like determining what I'm going to be doing while there. The idea really solidified itself after a few weeks of … Continue reading Driven by Guilt

Stories

I have been trying to stories of other Indian adoptees who have searched to try to gain some perspective on what it takes. I have found a few stories and have posted questions in a few different FB groups to see what kind of support can be found there. Some general thoughts are that there … Continue reading Stories

Adoption Therapy: Here I Come!

I have decided that in my searching process I would like to have some support as I move along, thus I have begun looking for a suitable therapist/social worker/mental health professional to help me along the way. I had at one point wanted to wait until I had a significant other who I felt would … Continue reading Adoption Therapy: Here I Come!

The Orphanage Part I: Catholic?

Lawrence, the faithful, charming and ever-so-kind driver, pulls our sleek silver SUV into the gates of the orphanage. "It looks like a church," I thought to myself as I peered through the windshield. A statue of the Virgin Mary welcomed us from the middle of the entrance. I was surprised. I had totally forgotten that … Continue reading The Orphanage Part I: Catholic?