Deadlines

I am the type of person who flounders without structure. I completely wilt and avoid doing anything productive without some external (or at least perceived as external) force holding me accountable. One crucial piece of motivation I need is a deadline, or deadlines, even self-imposed to spur me into action. As I begin this searching process and […]

Step 1

I like to plan things, create routines, prioritize and then move forward. Given this proclivity I like to layout a plan for how things will go and determine the best and most efficient way to get from point Here to point Over There Somewhere. In this mindset it is always good to determine both the starting […]

The Search

I’m going to begin searching for more information related to my personal and familial history in India. Specifically, hoping to find information, traces, clues and people in India who either knew people I am biologically related to or that I share biology with. I just had to say this, you know, out loud to make […]

My File Part V: Searching for Self

This piece was originally written in 2012 as a part of a short series I wrote about exploring my adoption file. I believe this was supposed to be the final piece in the four part series. I have edited it and thought it should be included. My File Part I: A Baby’s Biography My File […]

I Ran

I ran a lot in my first months in Argentina. Not enough to lose weight or whittle down my feeble mile time but enough to call it a routine. I ran on the treadmills once I joined El Boxing Club, a hulking concrete and metal building at the entrance to the city. Once I learned the […]

Before and After

Before arriving in Argentina I developed some very robust fantasies. I spent a fair amount of time thinking about how this experience would unlock my true potential and people would fully recognize how truly special I was. My fantasies ranged from becoming a break-out soccer star, learning Spanish lighting quick and getting with all the […]

The Yard

The sky is blue. Outrageously blue today. It is the kind of day that makes you forget clouds exist. A breeze kicks up and cools my sweaty brow. I feel good today, no stress. I can hear the rumbling of bike gangs in the near distance, out of sight, but within earshot. I’m in our […]

Birthdays Are Complex Monsters

For many, birthdays are a time to rejoice, celebrate and of course tell birth stories! For me birthdays are not imbued with the same sense of gleeful nostalgia. They are subtle reminders of an uncertain past and an unknown beginning. The first birthday is not simply a date. It is an experience that, although no […]

Hiding at Home

I was scared, terrified. It was probably midnight and we had just walked off the plane. Off the plane and out into the cool night air. I was with my older sister, but was still scared. I thought being here was going to calm me down, make me feel comfortable and “normal”. I thought being […]

“I was adopted by…”

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this post for quite a while and today I came across a few pieces, one in particular, that have helped me greatly. I found these pieces on Pactadopt.org, specifically the Grief and Loss in Adoption section. Thinking about adoption as loss is something tons of people […]