Is Reunion Healing? If so, for Who?

Preparing for reunion. Maybe. Maybe reunion, definitely preparing. Preparing for the vast uncertainty ahead. Practically speaking there are decisions to be made, tasks to be completed, lists to be made, notes to be taken, etc. The number of possible outcomes feels impossibly large. The number of likely outcomes feels disappointingly predetermined. I feel so uncertain … Continue reading Is Reunion Healing? If so, for Who?

There Sits a House

There Sits a House, illuminated by a flash. Bathed in artificial light. The roof is metal, worn, in visible disrepair. This house sits on an uneven dirt road. Flowering shrubs sprawl across the front creating a beautiful barrier, separate from passers by but not private, just distant. A few exhausted lines run from the rafters … Continue reading There Sits a House

They Say I Look Like Her

Resemblance is a strange concept. It overflows with subjectivity, devoid of neutrality or impartiality. Colored and formed in the image of past experiences. Reliant upon availability heuristics. They say I look like her. I don't know how to understand that phrase. What does it mean to see yourself in others or them in yourself if … Continue reading They Say I Look Like Her

To Reunion or Not

Months ago, in therapy, I told Dr. R that I had some emotional fantasies about reunion allowing me to close a chapter in my life. Allowing me to move on to the rest of my life, clean and simple. In some ways not pursuing reunion feels like it is holding me back. Not being in … Continue reading To Reunion or Not

Daughter of the Ganges

There are others who have gone ahead of me, scouting, getting lost, running into demons and in some cases fighting them off and in others retreating in search of paths easier to travel. We take different perspectives to life. Our stories are like two  rivers dancing, intertwined one moment and heading in opposite directions in … Continue reading Daughter of the Ganges

4 years

Its been 4 year since I started writing and within the last two months I have done more to help myself process than in the previous 27 years. I started out writing, reading and trying to expose myself to others' stories. When I began I just needed to know I wasn't along asn an adoptee. … Continue reading 4 years

“Calcutta is my Mother”

I sometimes stumble across stories of other Indian Transracial Adoptees who have gotten some press, usually because they are in some stage of searching. This most recent story is being made into the movie "Calcutta is my Mother" which from the short trailer: https://vimeo.com/168535931 seems less about the act of searching for birth/first family than an … Continue reading “Calcutta is my Mother”

The Search

I'm going to begin searching for more information related to my personal and familial history in India. Specifically, hoping to find information, traces, clues and people in India who either knew people I am biologically related to or that I share biology with. I just had to say this, you know, out loud to make … Continue reading The Search

An Uncertain Beginning: Shattering Childhood Fantasies

For as long as I can remember I have known my birthdate is an approximation, not fact. At some point, when I was very young, my parents told me that it was unlikely that the records from the orphanage were accurate. They explained that it was common for orphanages to make up information, identifying information, in … Continue reading An Uncertain Beginning: Shattering Childhood Fantasies